Recently, I got to know Cowardly Coward through the Internet. The good thing about the Internet is that it allows you to remain anonymous or even take on different identities and anonymity then becomes a really powerful tool which empowers true cowards with courage, as now they have the ability to attack others through words posted on the Internet without revealing their true identities.
Here’s what I mean,
“New comment on your post #54 “I’m Back!!! “
Date: 1 May 2007
Author : patricia lin sux
E-mail : firstname.lastname@example.org
You do not practice what you preach. All your online venture and everything you do will fail. Do you really think your bf is truthful to you? I saw Calvin with another woman outside. He will dump you after he is sick of you, you fat and ugly pig.”
Well, Cowardly Coward’s grammar certainly needs improvement. 😉 Perhaps he/she can consider engaging a private English tutor.
Now, Cowardly Coward went a step further just slightly a week ago – something which I truly must applaude him/her for doing. To me, an ex-English tuition teacher receiving a letter in her mailbox with grammatical mistakes and words incorrectly spelt, it’s definitely an eye-sore to read.
Other than improving the grammar, here are 5 tips that I have for anyone who wants to be a courageous coward, using my experience with Cowardly Coward as a case study. 🙂
1. Make Your Message Grammatically Correct
>> Basically, just make sure that your message does not have unnecessary typing errors and also make sure that the sentences are grammatically correct. There’s a huge difference between having someone BESIDE you and having someone BESIDES you. There’s a whole world of difference between both phrases! You won’t want to shame your english teachers from school, especially if I presume you have undergone at least 6 years of Primary School education. And given Singapore’s education system, at the end of Primary 6, you should be capable of writing complete, grammatically correct sentences. So, don’t waste your teachers’ efforts in teaching you ok? Always exercise what you have been taught in class!
Anyway, the important message to take home is, it is very important to use proper words, sentences to put across exactly what we want say to another person. It reflects the importance of copy writing for any business that you need to be cautious with the way you put across your message. If your target audience doesn’t understand your message, your intended purpose of the message may backfire. As such, Cowardly Coward does need help with copy writing because his/her message is not completely clear and her purpose of the message is not understandable. Consider hiring me and Calvin as your copywriters, one of the many services that we are going to provide with our upcoming company, IMovators!
2. Always Do Adequate Market Research On Your Targets
>> Actually, given the comment I received on my blog and the snail mail, if I were an oversensitive girlfriend who didn’t trust my boyfriend, Calvin, I would have all reason to believe that while Cowardly Coward is being mean to me, at the same time, he/she is being such a caring person for warning me against my boyfriend’s possible promiscuous ways.
BUT! Always get your facts right before making any accusations.
To disappoint Cowardly Coward, Calvin is almost 99.99% all the time with me. We are so busy with school, business and dating that we are practically stuck to each other! I’m sure my friends can attest to that. In fact, they say we’re “Buy One Get One Free”. Lol! By the way, the sexy, voluptous girlfriend that you have seen Calvin with could actually be me! Haha.. Since, he’s always seen with me 😉
Next, I don’t think you did well for descriptive writing in school because you can’t describe me properly. The adjectives that you used on me are incorrect, such as fat, ugly looking, stupid, pig etc.. Why? Because, I don’t think I’m fat – I have a healthy BMI of 21. Ugly-looking, well, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If you think I am.. I’ve really got nothing much to say about that. Stupid? Mmm.. I wonder what got me into one of the Top 20 Universities in the world. Pig??? Haha.. I’m a woman, every inch from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
3. Hire a good and reliable private investigator
>> Well, I’m not sure whether Cowardly Coward went through all the trouble of gathering all these information or hired a private investigator. All I must say is that if Cowardly Coward hired a private investigator, Cowardly Coward better sack him! Since he/she has provided such incorrect information about Calvin and I and has really cheated Cowardly Coward of both his/her time and money! Complain against the private investigator and get a refund! In case it doesn’t work, it’s always good to report the investigator to CASE!
However, if Cowardly Coward was the one who conducted the investigations and gathered such incorrect information, perhaps he/she should consider hiring a good PI?
4. Don’t waste money!
>> Cowardly Coward shouldn’t waste money even if it were just a few cents. For those who don’t know, mailing a letter within Singapore only costs 25 cents. But, Cowardly Coward wasted a 50 cent stamp which could have been used to send a postcard to any country in the world! Here’s more about postage prices –> Singapore PostBut anyway, who in the world uses snail mail these days when you have email? Email is instant, cheap and you can send as many emails as you want.
In fact, think of email marketing! Because it’s instant, cost-effective and you can send to multiple receipients and will be able to scale your cowardly efforts greatly! Moreover, email is delivered instantly 24/7 and even on weekends. But there’s a possibility that it may be classified as spam. Hence, it is always important to give your name in the email and have a catchy, attractive subject name so that receipients are compelled and interested to open your mail! However, you might want to get your facts right in your email about your target before emailing them out. This is to prevent any backlash you might receive from people who receive the mail.
Well, For more information about email marketing and copy writing, do email@example.com”>email me or you can visit www.imovators.com, which will be up and running by next week! 😉 Be my company’s first client and receive a good price for our internet marketing services!
5. Do write down your name
>> Since you have the courage and have taken the effort to publicise about your displeasure towards your target, you should be sure to claim the recognition! Your target knows how you feel towards him/her already, it doesn’t hurt for your target to actually know who you are. Besides, I’m sure you won’t want your efforts, of researching on your target, going through the trouble of possibly stalking her boyfriend, reading her blog, buying a stamp and envelope, typing a letter and printing it out, going to a postbox and mailing it, to go unnoticed and wasted! So, be sure to write down your name on every thing that you are using to show your work – blog comments, emails and snail mails.
Who knows you can consider being the leader and setting up a hate club such as “Patricia Lin Sux” fan club? I’m sure with this recent experience, coupled with my advice on being a Courageous Coward, you can be able to boost the popularity and appeal of the fan club.
Though I must say that I am flattered by this attention that is given to me by this anonymous someone (whom I’ve been referring as Cowardly Coward in this blog post) and I am certainly pleased that I might have been taken to be the sexy and voluptous girlfriend BESIDE calvin, the person who sent me the snail mail and blog comments might want to think of the consequences of harrassment.
As tip 4 stated, “Don’t Waste Money!”, I wouldn’t want Cowardly Coward to ever have to waste money being involved in a possible police charge of harrassment. But I must say my lawyer will definitely be pleased to be engaged and to meet Courageous Coward in person. Given today’s technology and the information that I have of this anonymous person, all I can say to Cowardly Coward is you can run but you can’t hide.
Well, to end on a lighter note, it is understandable that not everyone can be a courageous coward (did you notice the oxymoron intended? Haha..) but it is hoped that with the above tips, all Courageous Coward-wannabes can learn from the mistakes committed by this person with his/her antics and well, try to innovate, be creative and even possibly be more courageous by being honest about who you really are.
Anyway, hate comments and snail mail are really a thing of the past. Think about setting up a ‘hate’ website or email, since it’s the Internet Age now. Need help with such technologically challenging skills? Remember – you can always approach and engage me or Calvin for our services. 🙂